Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
