Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize