I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
try to milk me bitch
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