A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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