before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
