Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
