Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
