she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
