She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
