ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
