I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
