I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
