I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
