did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
