I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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