I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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