I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
