Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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