TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
