speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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