I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Man, jail baloney is awful.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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