hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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