Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
