My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize