I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
