I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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