I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
