Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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