I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize