why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
