My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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