Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
