Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
