So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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