I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize