i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
