absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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