I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
