I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
