i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
