Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
