so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
