I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
