'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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