it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
