dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
