well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
