Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
you had me at cake vodka
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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