rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
