If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
