Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
