you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
