It was confusing and full of hummus
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
