so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Four minutes until I can fart!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
