I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
