i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
