Me too!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
