Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
