I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
