last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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