just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
