Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
