your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
