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did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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