your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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