I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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