don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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