Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
