You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Apparently you make a good broom.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize