I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
