That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Even my vagina gasped.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
