Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
