what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You can't just leave with hair like that
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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