i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize