he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
