Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
