So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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