Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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