he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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