Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
