can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Randomize
