Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Drunk is not a location!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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