Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
be right there i have to get my cape
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
