just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
