New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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