dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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