dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
