He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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