Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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