is your mom at the bar?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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