The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
