It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
