Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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