There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
