im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
