you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
