My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
