I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
