dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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