Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
