Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
