hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
