I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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