It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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