Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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