I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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