Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Randomize
