Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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