We won't sleep together?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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