Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
