if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
