I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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