Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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