Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
