Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i just snorted my name. best moment ever
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
