My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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