i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize