i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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