this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
