Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
