And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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