I'm pants shitting drunk right now
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
