There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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