STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
