If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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