btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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