he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
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